


Everything You Give Me

by Makira



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 16:03:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11039556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makira/pseuds/Makira
Summary: Yuuri is woken up by a panic attack and would rather not to deal with it alone. Luckily, he no longer has to.





	Everything You Give Me

Yuuri awoke to the sound of his own heartbeat. He knew right away that something was not right - his pulse was loud in his ears and unusually quick. He felt sweaty all over and a familiar pain ached in his chest. A sense of dread bloomed in his stomach as he was hit with the realization of what was happening.

He hadn’t had a panic attack in weeks, and had never been woken up by one in the middle of the night before. He had no idea why he was having one now. Why would his body be punishing him for no reason while he was just trying to get some sleep? He’d thought he was getting better recently, too. Feelings of guilt started to crowd his mind, and it became harder to breathe as he increasingly became more anxious -

No. He had to snap out of his negative thoughts and focus on getting ahold of himself. He could do this. Recalling the steps of how to handle this situation, he decided to focus on his breathing first. In for four counts, hold for eight, exhale for seven - that was the formula, right? He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths following this pattern. He knew he had to relax, but it was easier said than done and he was having a hard time focusing on anything besides the attack itself. After a few minutes of this his pulse had slowed a bit, but he still felt vulnerable and trapped in his own body. No matter how many times this happened to him, he was always overwhelmed by the emotional sensations of it, sometimes more so than the physical ones. He wished to have somebody by his side - right now he needed support, needed comfort, needed…

Yuuri opened his eyes again and for the first time since waking up noticed the body sleeping peacefully next to him.

He glanced at the clock on the bedside table; 2:30 am. He really wished he didn’t have to wake Victor up at a time like this, but he knew his fiance wouldn’t mind, and his desperation for company at the moment overpowered any reservations he had. He sat up and leaned over, gently shaking Victor’s shoulder.

“Vitya...Vitya, wake up. Please.”

Victor stirred and blinked his eyes open, mumbling incoherently before focusing his gaze on Yuuri. “Yuuri..? What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m having an attack.”

Victor became alert instantly at the statement. His eyes shot open and he sat up in the bed, one hand moving to Yuuri’s back instinctively.

“Are you alright? Do you know what caused it?” He asked calmly but clearly concerned.

Yuuri shook his head. “I’m not sure. I just woke up and my heart was racing for no reason. I guess they can happen randomly in your sleep sometimes.” He spoke quickly, adrenaline still pumping through him. “I think I’m over the worst of it now, but…” Yuuri noticed his breathing had become shallow again. Fear began to grip him once more, but the supportive hand on his back reminded him he was not alone.

“Just breathe, Yuuri,” Victor coaxed. “You’re going to be okay. Yes, just like that. In...and out…” He made sure Yuuri was breathing deeply, taking enough oxygen into his lungs.

Victor was still not totally confident in his effectiveness in helping Yuuri out at times like these, but he was determined to do his best, going off of what Yuuri had taught him and his own research, as well as past experience. He knew his presence alone was not enough to snap his fiance out of his panicked state, but that there were ways that he could ease his struggle through it.

When he felt Yuuri’s breathing had returned to normal, he spoke again.

“There, Yuuri, you’re doing well. Does it hurt anywhere?”

Yuuri took a moment to think. “My chest hurt a bit earlier, but it’s okay now. I’m not sweating anymore, either.” His voice was less frantic than before, but still had a subdued tone to it.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

Yuuri paused again, seeming to contemplate his answer. He worried that his request might sound silly, but he could only be honest with Victor at a time like this and trusted him too much to be shy.

“Just...stay with me. Hold me, talk to me, anything. I don’t want to be alone right now.” He felt tears well up behind his eyes from the sheer emotional intensity of the episode but was determined not to let them spill in front of Victor. He had struggled on his own enough in the past to know he did not like it - that isolation only made his anxiety worse. He had Victor now, and wasn’t afraid to rely on him when he needed it.

Victor didn’t seem fazed by the request at all. He simply said, “Okay,” and leaned in to envelop his fiance in a hug.

Yuuri felt instant relief, as he often did when receiving physical affection from Victor during moments of stress. He immediately wrapped his arms around Victor’s neck and buried his face in his shoulder, inhaling his scent. He loved Victor’s smell, which never failed to calm him down and now functioned to ground him in reality. Victor wiped Yuuri’s slightly damp bangs away from his forehead and kissed it. One of his hands came up to cup Yuuri’s cheek and Yuuri focused on the cold metal of his engagement ring against his skin. Victor rested his forehead against Yuuri’s, his clear blue eyes meeting glassy brown ones.

“I’m here, Yuuri. I’m right here,” he whispered between placing soft kisses on Yuuri’s cheeks, his nose, the corner of his mouth. Yuuri’s racing thoughts slowed down until he was completely focused on the man before him. A few minutes passed in comfortable silence as the two simply basked in one another’s presence.

Victor presently spoke up. “How are you feeling now?”

“I…” Yuuri took a moment to gather himself, identify his current state of mind. “I think I’m okay now,” he answered honestly.

Victor’s face broke into a gentle smile. “That’s good. You did so well, Yuuri. I’m proud of you.”

Yuuri blushed at the compliment. He didn’t think it was something to be praised for - he still felt like his attacks were a burden to both of them - and yet he was moved by his fiance’s kind words. He was constantly amazed at how much of an effect Victor’s tender words and actions had on him, despite being showered with them every day. “Th...thank you. But, um, I’m not sure I’ll be able to fall asleep again easily.” Although he had calmed down, the whole debacle had woken his mind and body up, and he was in no mood for sleep just yet.

“I see. Lie down and just try to relax, okay? I’ll stay awake with you.”

Yuuri was again relieved by Victor’s willingness to stay with him throughout the experience. He did as Victor suggested, lying down on his side and releasing the tension in his muscles. He felt Victor wrap his arms around his middle and snuggle up behind him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. Victor hummed absentmindedly by Yuuri’s ear for a while, soothing him into a more relaxed state of mind, and then the only sound in the room was their slow, sedated breathing. Yuuri felt his eyelids grow heavy and his own heartbeat start to sync with the steady one pressed warmly against his back.

* * *

 

It was morning again, as Yuuri could tell by the sunlight filtering in through the windows from behind the drawn curtains. He reached for his glasses on the bedside table and put them on, groggily surveying the room. Victor was gone, probably having already gotten up to get ready for practice. According to the clock, it was about time for Yuuri to start getting ready as well. He reluctantly pulled himself out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, where Victor was making coffee. Yuuri quietly sidled up to his fiance and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder. Victor acknowledged his presence by in turn leaning his cheek on Yuuri’s head.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” he joked. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m...good,” Yuuri replied with a tentative smile. He felt completely normal again, and wouldn’t even believe what had happened hours ago if Victor wasn’t there to confirm it.

“Wonderful,” Victor said, wrapping one arm around Yuuri’s waist and pulling him in close. “You’re up to go to practice today, then?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Great. If you start to feel bad again at any point just pull me aside, okay? I’ll help you out the best I can.” Yuuri felt the genuine concern in his voice.

“Sure. And, um…” He averted his eyes away from Victor briefly. “I’m sorry I woke you up last night. When that stuff happens, I just prefer not to go through it alone, and…”

“Yuuri,” Victor said firmly, tilting Yuuri’s chin toward his face and looking him sternly in the eyes. “You know you don’t need to apologize for anything. I’m here to support you unconditionally. I know you’d do the same for me.” His face broke into a gentle smile.

Yuuri couldn’t argue with that. He couldn’t help but return the smile and said, “Thank you.” He really was so incredibly thankful for everything Victor did for him, and for the chances he would get to return the favor. Thankful that in a few months he would get to call this wonderful and beautiful man his husband.

“Anytime,” Victor said softly as he wrapped his other arm around Yuuri and pulled him into a tight embrace.

Yuuri felt secure and unbelievably safe in Victor’s arms, probably more so than he did anywhere else.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, thanks for reading my first fanfic in literal years! I don’t know why I suddenly had the motivation to sit down and write something other than that I really wanted to get this idea out of my head. If you liked it, please let me know!! If you didn’t like it, you can still let me know (and rest easy, I’m too lazy and uninspired most of the time to be likely to write again anytime soon lol). Aaand, obligatory plug for my [Tumblr](basking-robin.tumblr.com)! Please come say hi :)
> 
> I got the inspiration for this story when I couldn’t sleep after - you guessed it - I was woken up by a panic attack in the middle of the night. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but hopefully this fic can be one positive thing to come out of it. Please note that I am not trying to romanticize panic attacks or anxiety disorders here, and I hope it doesn’t come off that way. This fic was simply born from my own thoughts of “Wow, if I had me a Victor this would be a whole lot easier *_*” while going through this experience. Also, symptoms of panic attacks as well as the best methods to cope with them can vary for everyone (I still haven’t ascertained those for myself yet, so I was just kind of winging it in this fic).
> 
> I like to think that while Victor is clumsy in dealing with Yuuri’s anxiety at first, he makes an effort to learn about ways to help him as they grow closer in their relationship. I hope the emotional support they provide for each other is explored even further in canon. Man, I love these two.
> 
> So yeah, basically, I don't consider myself much of a writer, but thinking up fluff about my anime ships helps me calm down, and I wanted to share this particular fluff with all of you. I hope you all sleep well tonight, and maybe I’ll see you around!


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